The longest journey, the Elders would say, is the journey from the head to the heart. I must admit when I first heard this many years ago, I couldn't wrap my head around this concept. I functioned well out of my head. I would rather think than feel. I was extremely rational and would analyze everything to death. I protected my heart at all costs from getting hurt and feeling the "bad" feelings to the point where I wouldn't even allow the good in. This was a response due to childhood trauma I had experienced in my life. I learned at a young age to protect my heart with ironclad walls! I'm talking layers upon layers of nothing getting through these walls. So this journey from the head to the heart was a journey I did not think was possible for me. Until healing began in my life.
I was at a such a low point in my life so much so I confessed out loud "I'm tired of not having any self esteem!!!!!!". That was a pivotal day for me. And the day I decided to see a therapist. I knew I had been at war with myself. I knew I had lost connection. I knew I didn't love me.
It wasn't just therapy though. It was a combination healing circles, sweat lodge ceremonies, running, sitting at the keyboard and writing music, it was making new friendships, it was eating well and drinking water. AND it was making peace with Creator. This was years in the making but I now understood what the journey from the head to the heart meant. OH I am still very much a thinker! Over the years of healing, I have now learned to connect & feel with my heart too. With that said, I certainly have my moments of reverting back to old patterns to protect this lil heart of mine! At the end of the day, I am committed to my well being, to my health, and to my truth. I am committed to this journey from the head to the heart. In the midst of all this healing and learning, I have come to understood how important self love is AND how this knowledge needs make its way to my heart-to the core of who I am. It is a continuous & daily effort.
I had a moment of clarity this week. Self love actually does not even begin with self. This is where my Indigeneity guides my understanding & thinking. Self love begins with knowing in my head and equally with all my heart that Creator makes nothing but beauty, including me (and including you).
Creator is LOVE. Creator is the center of everything. Creator is BOSS.
The most important relationship we have is with Creator. (I'm so grateful for this teaching passed down to me!)
Self love begins with Creator.
SAKIHESOWIN. (I had asked a Cree Elder what the Cree word for self love and this is what she shared with me)
I deeply want to understand what this word means in CREE. Oh how I love our language as the meaning is much deeper than just a word. I want to live and breathe sakihesowin. I want to KNOW it in my bones, in my heart, in my cells. So I need to listen to the wisdom & knowledge of our elders about what this means for them. I need to lay on the land to feel the interconnectedness of creation that I belong to. I need to sit with Creator every day.